少年人用什么洁净他的行为?(中英双语见证/含音频)

少年人用什么洁净他的行为？

文 | 安迪
《生命与信仰》第42期

音频为何杨弟兄朗读:

我生长在一个基督徒家庭里，今年16岁了，但我直到2022年2月12日上午才接受基督。在美国的10年和在中国的6年里，我非常熟悉各种圣经故事，因为我的父亲是一名牧师，我的家人后来在中国做了宣教士。然而，三年级时，手淫把我拖上了一条引向无比羞耻和罪疚的路。各种色情媒体更助长了我的罪恶之火，把我拖向无底的深渊，无法自拔。

当我深陷于色情捆绑的时候，我感到上帝以不同的形式向我传递了祂的爱和希望。小学时，爸爸跟我谈起过色情的罪和上帝救赎之爱（上帝接纳所有愿意悔改接受耶稣基督救赎的罪人），但我心里充满了羞耻感，我不想坦白自己的罪。虽然我知道上帝爱我，并且有能力帮助我，但我不愿意接受上帝的爱，因为每次我祷告之后，本应该治死自己的罪了，但我却会重蹈覆辙，一次又一次地犯手淫和色情的罪。我觉得我已经没有希望了，因为没有人能在我犯罪的时候，亲身阻止我。我觉得我不能把我的生命交给神，因为色情上瘾就像锁链一样把我绑住，使我无法修复我与神之间破裂的关系。我一方面极度渴望跟人坦白我色情成瘾的问题，一方面又放不下自己的面子，不想让人看到我对神的不顺服。虽然我相信神爱我，为我的罪而死、使我能够得到拯救，但我对神的认识无法穿透我心中那层羞耻和内疚的坚硬外壳。我觉得我不配得到神的爱，但我知道祂仍然爱我。在国内的一个青年营会中，一位高中生分享了自己在色情方面的挣扎。他分享结束时，鼓励所有色情成瘾的人都站起来，让大家为他们祷告。当然，我没有站起来。回想起来，我知道我当时的犹豫是因为我害怕别人会用厌恶的眼光看我。

两年前我们家搬到美国时，我和妹妹开始寻找并参加不同的青年团契。在我们参观果园教会的青年团契时，他们的主题正是专门针对色情问题。那次讲道给了我一些克服色情的知识，我相信这是上帝给我的信息，让我看到祂的爱。上帝在提醒我，祂一直在等待，给我机会接受祂的爱。但我继续陷入试探，最终放弃了胜过色情诱惑的努力。

几周前，我参加了学校基督徒俱乐部的活动，那天播放了YouTube上的一次关于罪的讲道信息。这篇讲道说明了当人们偏执于抓住某种事物、成就或能力，他们就无法得到救赎。传道人拿着一些锁链，把它们放进一个棺材里。他解释说捆绑我们的罪都因耶稣的死和复活而被治死了，并再次谈到了上帝救赎的爱。信息结束后，主席鼓励大家把自己的 “锁链”写在他们分发的一张小纸上。我非常犹豫，慢慢地在纸上写下了 “色情”两个字，并与同桌的一些朋友分享了我色情成瘾的罪。俱乐部结束后，我意识到我需要与我爸爸分享我的挣扎，让他带领我重新与神和好，得到医治。

2022年2月12日上午，在一家餐馆里，我向神和我父亲忏悔了我的罪。我把我所有的罪放在爱我的上帝面前。我终于能够接受神的爱，因为祂在我还是个罪人时就差祂的儿子为我的罪而死。上帝的爱使我的骄傲变得谦卑，让我知道我是祂的孩子。上帝帮助我向祂敞开了我的心扉，因祂的爱带走了我的羞耻和内疚。我不再害怕分享我所面临的挣扎，因为耶稣为我所犯的每一项罪而死。我不必生活在羞耻中，因为神已经让我摆脱了罪。即使将来会有试探，我知道神会加力量给我，并向我显明祂的旨意。现在，我的使命就是认识上帝，并且让祂为人所知。

今天，我要接受洗礼！因为我想让大家知道，我曾经是罪和色情成瘾的奴隶，但现在我已经被上帝所爱，所赦免！这位上帝为我舍弃了祂儿子的生命。我想让大家知道，神的爱已经带走了我的羞耻和罪疚，彻底打碎了色情对我的捆绑！

How Can a Young Per­son Stay on the Path of Puri­ty?

By Andy

Audio By Andy:

I grew up in a Chris­t­ian fam­i­ly for 16 years but I didn’t accept Christ until the morn­ing of Feb­ru­ary 12 2022. For 10 years in Amer­i­ca and 6 years in Chi­na, I was very famil­iar with var­i­ous bible sto­ries because my Dad was a pas­tor and my fam­i­ly were lat­er mis­sion­ar­ies in Chi­na. How­ev­er, in third grade I dis­cov­ered mas­tur­ba­tion which led me on a road to immense shame and guilt. Pornog­ra­phy fueled the fire of my sin and pulled me deep­er and deep­er into a hole I couldn’t pull myself out of.

Dur­ing the time of my addic­tion to pornog­ra­phy, I felt God send his love and hope to me in dif­fer­ent forms. In ele­men­tary school, my Dad talked to me about pornog­ra­phy and God’s love and pow­er to for­give  (God acceptes all sin­ers who repent­ed and accept­ed Jesus Christ’s sal­va­tion), but I was filled with shame and I didn’t want to expose any of my sins. Although I knew God loved me and had the pow­er to help me, I wasn’t will­ing to accept God’s love because after I prayed and sup­pos­ed­ly put my sin to death, I would dig up my habits of mas­tur­ba­tion and porn again, and again, and again like dig­ging up a dead body. I felt like there was no hope for my addic­tion because there was no one phys­i­cal­ly to stop me from dig­ging up my addic­tions. I felt like I couldn’t give my life to God because my addic­tions were like chains that tied me down, keep­ing me from heal­ing my rela­tion­ship with him. I des­per­ate­ly longed to speak to some­one about my addic­tion to porn but I was embar­rassed of myself and wouldn’t want any­one to see my dis­obe­di­ence to God. Although I believed there was a God who loved me and died for my sins so that I could be saved, my knowl­edge of God couldn’t pen­e­trate my heart’s thick shell of shame and guilt. I felt like I was unwor­thy of God’s love yet I knew he still loved me. Dur­ing a youth camp in Chi­na, a high­school senior pre­sent­ed a speech about his strug­gle of pornog­ra­phy. At the end of his speech, he encour­aged any­one who was a porn addict to stand and let oth­ers pray for them. Of course, I didn’t stand. But look­ing back on that moment, I hes­i­tat­ed to stand because I was afraid that oth­ers would look at me with dis­gust.

When my fam­i­ly moved to Amer­i­ca two years ago, my sis­ter and I were look­ing for dif­fer­ent youth groups to attend. At our vis­it to The Orchard youth group, their top­ic was specif­i­cal­ly about pornog­ra­phy. That ser­mon gave me some knowl­edge to over­come porn and I believe was a mes­sage from God to show me his love. God was remind­ing me that he was always wait­ing and giv­ing me oppor­tu­ni­ties to accept his love. But I con­tin­ued to fall into temp­ta­tion and even­tu­al­ly gave up on try­ing to fight porn.

A few weeks ago, I attend­ed the Chris­t­ian club at my school but this time they were pre­sent­ing a YouTube ser­mon about sin. The video explained that peo­ple were hold­ing onto an item, achieve­ment or abil­i­ty that pre­vents them from receiv­ing sal­va­tion. The preach­er took some chains and put them into a cof­fin. He explained our sin is dead because of the cru­ci­fix­ion and res­ur­rec­tion of Jesus. And again, he talked about God’s love and pow­er to save us. After the video end­ed, the club encour­aged every­one to write their “chains’’ on a small piece of paper they hand­ed out. With great hes­i­ta­tion, I slow­ly wrote the words PORN on a piece of paper and shared my addic­tion with some friends at my table. After the club end­ed, I real­ized that I need­ed to share my strug­gles with my dad so he could lead me to heal­ing.

At a restau­rant on the morn­ing of Feb­ru­ary 12 2022, is when I con­fessed my sins to God and my dad. I laid all my sins before God who loves me. I was able to accept God’s love because he sent his son to die for me while I was a sin­ner. God’s love hum­bled my pride and showed me that I am his child. God opened my heart to him because his love for me took my shame and guilt away. I’m not afraid to share about the strug­gles I’ve faced because Jesus died for every sin I’ve ever com­mit­ted. I don’t have to live in shame because God has set me free of my sin. Even though there will be temp­ta­tions in the future, I know that God will strength­en me and show me his will. Now, my mis­sion is to know God and to make him known.

 Today, I want to be bap­tized because I want oth­ers to know that I was a slave to my sin and my addic­tion to porn, but now I am loved and for­giv­en by a God who gave his Son to die for me. I want oth­ers to know that God’s love has tak­en away my shame and guilt and broke my addic­tion to pornog­ra­phy.